Learning from Gestalt: “Walk the Talk”
I am very proud of being a member of an organization known in brief as EO, Entrepreneur’s Organization, here in Dallas, which is a part of about 16,000 worldwide members. Every month, I attend a lecture by an experienced professional in his/her field of business and have a lovely dinner along with it. Also, every month, I attend what is known as forum, which is a 4-hour dedicated time of 8 to 10 people (9 in my case), who share with each other parts of their lives and businesses so that they can become better business owners and human beings. Forum is known affectionately as “AA For Business Owners.”
It is a hardcore meeting because if you are a second late based on the displayed time on your cellphone, you will have to buy dinner. If you are 20 minutes late, you are not allowed to enter the room. If you do that twice, you are kicked out for life. If you miss two meetings in a year, you are kicked out for life. Despite our busy lives, we commit to each other that we will be there every fourth Wednesday at 3:30 pm come hell or high water.
During our time of helping each other, which we call “experience sharing” rather than advice giving, we employ a language that is derived from Gestalt psychology in which we never say, “You really should not have fired that employee. That was not right.” Instead, we use the “I’ word, “I fired this employee last year that really was not the best decision for me or my business for these reasons…” Basically, we are not here to give each other advice but to learn from each others’ experiences. In short we take the “You” out and replace it with “I”.
As a caveat, we also cannot say, “I would have done that” or “I would say the thing that I would do is…” because that also violates Gestalt. The “I” refers to what you yourself have actually experienced in the past not what you conceive of someone else should do, which is thinly veiled advice. It is working with people who “Walk the Talk”, i.e., those who don’t just spout words of meaningless wisdom but who actually have lived and experienced life lessons that you as a intelligent individual can draw from if you are attentive and open.
In a way, that is what this blog is about. It is about my giving tidbits of my life, passions, foibles, successes, and thoughts so that perhaps you as a reader can attain something valuable from it. I hope these blogs are not just inconsequential banter but help to guide one’s life in very small but substantive ways.
I think Gestalt is a great tactic to help a leader lead his/her troops. Many times, we approach an individual who has had a problem and we say, “Boy, you really should have done this better. Let me tell you how…” Instead if we open with, “Boy, I did the same thing you did last year and I have learned a valuable lesson why I would never do that again and here is what I learned.” Approaching a problem that way is entirely different and can lead to entirely different results. I hope you can use Gestalt somehow effectively in your own life whether personally or professionally.
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